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PAULITICS: Answering Your Relationship Questions

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I know Sivan told you guys that I’d answer your relationship questions about two months ago and that it’s taken me forever to respond, but just know she’s given me sh*t for it daily. My apologies! Hoping that my answers provide at least some decent advice/entertainment. From sex on a first date to finding the one, let’s get into the questions! I’ll answer more soon. I PROMISE.

Q: Do men really like “the chase” or do they want a girl to show how much they care about him?

A: I think the answer to this question depends on where the guy is in his mancycle (yes, I just made that term up). A younger guy who is more interested in having fun and not settling down yet is more likely to be attracted to the game than to meaningful gestures. On the other side of the spectrum, an older guy who had his fun and is now looking for a life partner is more likely to care about transparency and validation.

Q: How do you know when someone is the one? You hear people say “when you know, you know”.

A: When I first heard this I never really understood it. It was like when Forrest said, “life is like a box of chocolates” (not sure this is the best example but it is the best I could come up with). However, in my experience, it is 100% accurate. It is extremely difficult to quantify the feeling of knowing that someone really is YOUR person and that there is no one else on this planet who you would rather spend the rest of your life with. I connect with Sivan in a way that I have never with any other person. We understand each other so well that we know exactly how the other will experience/interpret/perceive a given event and can communicate (and talk shit) with each other with a simple glance. I also have complete trust in her that she would always have my back and would do (almost) anything for me.

Q: What is your favorite thing about being married and being a parent?

A: With respect to marriage, knowing that we don’t have to go through it alone and that we will always be there for one another with whatever comes our way. Becoming a parent? I can’t just choose one. Those moments when your child expresses their love for you with affection (i.e. a big hug or telling you that they love you). Equally as awesome are those moments of pride/joy when your child achieves something/does something correctly for the first time. Even something as little as cleaning up their spill on the kitchen floor.

Q: What’s your take on a guy that tells you he loves you but feels like he’s never around?

A: Generally speaking, I believe actions speak louder than words. Unfortunately, people tend to grasp onto anything that will justify what they hope is a reality even when there is much more convincing evidence of the contrary. That being said, there could be extenuating circumstances preventing him from being more present. But in that situation, communication could easily relieve the doubt caused by his absence. If he is not around AND isn’t transparent about why, that is also a red flag. IMO, communication is one of the 3 pillars of a relationship.

Q: How do you know if a guy is falling in love with you?

A: Everyone’s love language is different but if someone goes out of their way to spend all their free time with you, that is a great indicator.

Q: How do you know when a guy is falling out of love with you?

A: The biggest tell to me is indifference. Love is powerful and leads to strong feelings one way or another. If actions/words of a significant other stop affecting them, I don’t think the relationship has much of a future. Any relationship takes work and for each participant to engage. Once indifference sets in, the relationship will no longer progress and will begin deteriorating.

Q: Thoughts on sex on the first date?

A: While I am not a fan of games, if someone is looking for a serious/long-term relationship, I do think it’s best to hold something back from the first date. I believe sexual tension is a great way to keep both sides interested long enough to find out whether or not it’s a good match.

Q: True or false: is timing really everything?

A: True, but the right person can make any time right.

Q: How to meet in the middle when you have different opinions on big topics?

A: How big are we talking? Like buying a home? Or like having kids? Generally, it is important that BOTH sides are happy with any big decision (#vetorights). However, if we are talking about lifestyle decisions, like whether or not to have kids, there is not much room to compromise. That all being said, it is important to hear your partner out and understand why they have a different opinion than you. You need to know their perspective to understand what is important to them and impacting their decision. Once you both understand what is important to the other, you can then move towards a solution that, although may not leave either side fully satisfied, is one that you both are OK with.

Q: How do you keep things interesting and fun? (Not kid-related if possible)

A: Easier said than done, but making an effort to keep the other on their toes, whether it’s doing something you have never done before or just planning a surprise (even if small, the gesture goes a long way). And never forget the times that have gotten you to where you’re at today and all the amazing times you have had together.

Got more relationship questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I’ll include them in the next round!

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