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Baby Nº2

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I know you guys have questions and lots of them. Trust me, part of the reason I waited so long to announce this second pregnancy is because I was literally just processing the fact that I’m going to have another baby. Let’s just say this was not planned (like my first pregnancy), so the last thing I was expecting in the middle of a worldwide pandemic is to be having another baby. Now before you get the wrong impression, I’m VERY grateful / elated / happy to be having a second baby. Paul and I both want 2 kids so of course, we are thrilled, but the timing…well, it could have been better if I’m being totally honest. 

Baby Nº2 – if you ever read this, I hope you have my sense of humor and your Dad’s sense of understanding to know that I’m not talking shit about you lol. 

So here’s the story: Sometime in April I was expecting my period and it never came. I’m pretty irregular so it wasn’t that out of the norm, but I started to get weirded out after 2 weeks of nothing. One night in the shower I decided I should just take a test to confirm I’m NOT pregnant so I could stop worrying. Well, the test showed positive and I didn’t have any others tests left to double check. In a panic I approached Paul in bed and told him “I think I’m pregnant.” I showed zero emotion and I could see him reading my face for a sign I was kidding / happy / mad / sad, whatever! I explained the situation and he immediately went to go buy more tests. 3 more positive tests later and yes, I was indeed pregnant (according to the sticks). I know you’re going to be disappointed about this next part – I did not video Paul’s reaction this time (see his reaction to my first pregnancy here LOL).

I was honestly shocked and SO confused how to feel. We were in the midst of the pandemic, Black Lives Matter protests were in full swing in Los Angeles, and now I was incredibly emotional thanks to pregnancy hormones. I. WAS. A. MESS. The world was in such a negative hostile place and I was not prepared to bring another child into it. Not to mention, my anxiety and stress were at an all-time high thanks to everything going on on social media and I was convinced I would miscarry because of it. I kept quiet until I could see my doctor to confirm it was a real, viable, healthy pregnancy. 

A week later at my doctor’s appointment, we saw the heartbeat and they confirmed I was definitely pregnant and the baby was alive and well. I was still very careful about telling anyone. We shared the news with our immediate families of course, but I did not say a word to anyone unless it came up in conversation and it was someone close to me. I’m not exactly a superstitious person, but this pregnancy felt like something I had to protect. 

I decided I really needed to manage my anxiety and stress to ensure this baby got the same peaceful, calm body to grow in as Capri did. It was not easy, as I explained, with the circumstances of the world and the climate on social media, so I had to disconnect a bit. I showed less of my life and didn’t engage as much, which caused some speculation online. Obviously once my boobs went from an A cup to C cup that was suspect too, but I was still just enjoying going through this pregnancy privately. 

Now at 20 weeks I feel more comfortable with this pregnancy. I feel the baby moving around already, my bump is very visible, and so far everything has been smooth thankfully. I thought being pregnant during the pandemic would be strange and scary, but it has actually been really calming since we are spending so much time at home and I’m not really missing out on anything. Obviously my time at home would be made a lot more enjoyable with some rosé but at the same time when I’m pregnant, I don’t really crave alcohol. Paul has been able to come to all of my appointments, which I hear is pretty unusual right now, so I’m very grateful to be allowed that luxury. Overall, I can’t complain. Things are good and we are very happy to be welcoming the second (and most likely FINAL) child into our little family. 

My due date is January 28th, 2021 (Capri was born September 28th so that’s kind of cute if it happens then), and I’m very much looking forward to a fresh new year with a fresh new baby! 

Thank you for following along and for all the love!

xoxo

Sivan

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