Today Capri is 6 weeks, making me a mom for a month and a half now. To say time is flying is a serious understatement. Every morning when Capri wakes up I feel like something is different about her, which is so bittersweet to me. I love the fact that she’s growing & progressing as a person, but I also want her to be my little Sleeping Beauty baby for life! I love her baby smell and the thought of that ever going away makes me want to cry. Seriously. I’ve stopped wearing perfume because I love having her scent on me. I know I sound like a total creep right now, but it’s just the truth and I’d like to think that other moms out there might feel the same.
I have received so many questions about motherhood and how I’ve adjusted back into “regular” life. Between you guys reading and following along on Instagram and my friends and family, I feel extremely flattered by all the compliments thrown my way. I’m not one to toot my own horn but sometimes you just have to accept the compliment and believe it.
To be honest, I’ve loved navigating back into my reality with a baby. It’s challenging, sure, but having a baby has made me view everything in a completely different light. It has made me realize certain things just aren’t that important, which in turn means I’m not stressing over it. Containing my stress level has been one of the best benefits to me personally since having a baby.
As far as going back to work, I didn’t really have a plan or timeline in mind but a couple weeks ago I decided it was time for me to ease back in. After spending almost 4 weeks straight at home with Capri I was excited to get dressed up, socialize with adults, and make some money! I made the mistake of taking on too much on my first day away, and now I know my limitations. Between the pumping situation and just being away from Capri it was too much for one day. At this point I can handle half day hours and I anticipate it being that way for a few more months. Eventually once she’s older and I feel more comfortable leaving her alone with family I can take on some more.
The first few weeks were the most challenging–dinnertime was tough with an awake & cranky baby, finding motivation to leave the house was impossible, and figuring out how I wanted to feed Capri was not easy. We can talk more about that [breast feeding] in a later post. BUT, now at Week 6 we are on a much better schedule and can plan things out more. I really wasn’t into the idea of scheduling out every moment of my life before having the baby (I was more about making the baby work around MY schedule), but it’s very easy to abandon the dishes or cooking when your baby is crying. Working around a schedule has helped us get into a nice routine that allows me to keep the house clean, grocery shop, cook, etc.
Of course, I have to discuss the biggest part of my transition being so smooth and that is Paul. Having a partner who is willing to research and figure things out with me has been the ONLY way I could ever get through this. First time parenting is fucking HARD. There is so much information and advice out there that just figuring out what to follow can take hours. Ultimately what I’ve decided what works best is what feels right to us. A little logic mixed with intuition. So far we seem to have a pretty good system going and have figured out a lot of what Capri is trying to convey. Certain cries, facial expressions, and body language is very telling about a baby but it definitely takes some time to figure out.
Let’s not forget how helpful having a night nurse has been. We still have her for peace of mind but I know it’s approaching the time to say goodbye. Capri has been sleeping through the night for the past couple weeks so I know it’s time to part ways soon but I’m still not quite ready. Soon.
In regards to life returning back to what it was, the truth is, it never will. Dinner dates, vacations, work, everything now has a major factor that changes everything but I am 100% okay with that. Like I said, my priorities have shifted for the better and this adjustment period won’t last forever. Eventually I anticipate this will be my new “normal” and I look forward to that day.