A few weeks back during a Q+A I was asked what my love language is. I had no clue there is a whole THING around love languages. I thought it was more of an expression than an actual test you take with results based on your personality. I wasn’t too far off though, because all along I was thinking it was just the way you express your love for your significant other. While that’s correct, I thought people were just passive aggressively addressing the fact that I call Paul “bitch” and “idiot” quite often (lol). I’ve been very into taking tests to learn about myself lately (see my personality results here) so learning about my love language was just another fun activity for me.
Before I dive into the results I did want to address the way Paul and I communicate. As you all know I’m a sassy girl. I’m pretty monotone for the most part so sometimes I can come off bitchy, disinterested, or dry. I just don’t have a lot of inflection when I speak so I could literally say “yay” and it’s the least enthusiastic yay you’ve ever heard. It’s not an indicator of my mood, I’m just not a very exuberant person. Paul is one person I feel 100% comfortable being myself. Always. I don’t hide my emotions, feelings, or opinions from him. He gets to hear and see it all. And by now he knows / gets me. If something is bothering me he can detect it from my actual mood (if I haven’t already shared it with him), not my delivery or communication style. It can be confusing to read someone like me. Am I mad? Am I bitchy? Am I shy? Who knows, really. But if someone gives me the opportunity to share how I’m feeling I will take it.
Paul and I both come from parents that cussed. I knew it was a bad habit growing up but my mom wasn’t the type to filter herself and honestly, I appreciate it. SHIT happens and sometimes censoring yourself just doesn’t cut it. I guess the habit kind of stuck with me because I have a potty mouth but luckily I found a husband who shares the same bad habit. I need someone who can handle my mouth and attitude, because they are both sassy. Not always, but I like to throw in an unnecessary “fuck” every now and then and I need someone who won’t flinch every time it comes out of my mouth.
Long story short, words like ‘bitch’ are heavily incorporated into our vocabulary and in a twisted way has become a term of endearment. It’s lighthearted and only ever said in casual conversation, not conflict. If we were arguing and we started calling each other names that would be different and disrespectful. But the way we do it is just us. THAT is what I thought everyone meant when they were asking about our love language & “how Paul deals with my love language?”
But okay fine, now that I’ve taken the test you’ll see I actually have a heart and soul because I’m primarily Quality Time. Runners up are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch I hardly scored on Acts of Service or Receiving Gifts. I want Paul’s undivided attention 24/7. I’m incredibly needy (I wonder where Lyla gets it from, huh?) and seriously need Paul to pay attention to me when we are together. I get frustrated if I feel like we haven’t spent enough quality time in the span of a day, which can sometimes be tricky when we both have demanding jobs that require us to be social with others, go to dinners, events, etc. I’d say for the most part we are very much on the same page about downtime–when we are home on the weekends we like nothing more than chilling with the puppies outside and enjoying our home. We don’t particularly want company if we haven’t had enough alone time.
I also very much love hearing words of affirmation from Paul. Particularly that he is proud of me for achieving something. As I discussed in my personality test, I need validation when it comes to success and my career and hearing it from Paul means everything to me. He is so smart, good at reading people, intuitive, etc. that coming from him words hold so much more value to me. Lastly, physical touch is important to me. I’m not a big PDA person but rather I like the small gestures–holding my hand, giving me a random kiss, wanting to be close to me. When I’m feeling bleh for no apparent reason my body craves oxytocin and being close to Paul almost always fixes my mood.
On the other hand, here are Paul’s results. He is all about Acts of Service, which makes perfect sense for him. He loves to take care of me and our dogs and enjoys being taken care of as well. To him that is the ultimate way to show love. While I don’t agree (I find my responsibilities of taking care of our house just part of my role as wife, not necessarily a way to say I love you), I can 100% see that it is true for Paul so I need to take that into consideration. He also scored in Quality Time and Physical Touch.
While our results might be totally different, it really helps to understand your significant other better. Why they might react to something the way they do, and howLove Language test to read a situation. It was pretty eye-opening for me to take the test even though we both know this about each other. However, being made aware of it somehow just makes me understand things better. I highly recommend couples take the to better understand each other.