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Being Married To A Lawyer

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It’s no secret that Paul and I are verrrrry different. We are compatible, but we are very different. It’s funny, because sometimes I feel like we are the same person–we can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking–but other times I wonder how we ever ended up together because we have a complete opposite view of a situation. It can be frustrating, especially when you’re typically on the same page. However, it’s just part of being with a lawyer. To be honest, it’s not something I knew ahead of time, it’s not like someone presented me a manual with all the things that go along with being with an attorney. But I’d like to think that when you love someone you figure it out and navigate just fine. That’s what this post is all about–sharing the process, the emotional roller coaster, and my overall insight.

Okay, let’s get into it.

The LSAT / Law School Acceptance

When Paul started studying for the LSAT I learned a lot about him. Up until that point it had been all fun and games with us (we had been together for about 6 months at this point), but once the studying began things shifted dramatically. I saw very quickly that Paul is a very serious student. He is extremely disciplined, regimented, and dedicated. To paint you a picture: he would wake up at 6AM every morning, study, take multiple practice tests, and finish up around 5/6PM every.single.day. There were food breaks somewhere in there, but aside from that, nothing got in the way of his studies. It was gnarly. That should have been my first indicator of what life IN law school would be like, but I was dumb and naive in those days so I didn’t put 2+2 together.

He obviously passed no problem. Law school acceptance was a whooooole other thing. The stress, the waiting, omg I cannot. He got accepted to Cornell in New York, at which point I thought our relationship was over. I wasn’t down for long distance and for a moment he hadn’t heard back from any Los Angeles schools so it wasn’t looking good. I was pretty devastated but I kept it all inside since I knew he was WAY more stressed than I was (I was just upset for selfish reasons). After weeks and weeks of nothing he finally got accepted to USC and UCLA! SUCH a relief. He ended up going to UCLA.

Law School

The first year of law school was rough. As I explained above, Paul is a serious student. He doesn’t fuck around when it comes to school, testing, or work. He gets his shit done right the first time, and that is something I very much admire about him. He immersed himself in his studies from Day One, coming home in the evenings pretty uptight and overwhelmed. It was a tough adjustment for me, as I was used to the evenings being a time for us to reconnect after my work day, have dinner, drink wine, etc. Suddenly evenings turned into little conversation, no alcohol (snore!), and right back to studying. The weekends were our saving grace, as he allowed himself this time to unwind and enjoy time with me and the dogs.

By the second year of law school Paul started getting more comfortable with law school. He found a routine that worked–he would go to school SUPER early to study so the evenings would be for us again. This is also around the time he started to drink scotch, which is no longer a thing (LOL). He / it was an intense time in our relationship, but we were back on a schedule that allowed us to spend more quality time together so I was happy. I will go as far as saying that law school even became bearable, and at some points, normal. Third year was even better. He was progressively getting more relaxed about school. Come graduation it seemed like law school had flown by (probably more for me than Paul), and I couldn’t have been happier to have it be in the past.

The BAR

That was, until the BAR exam….fuck my life. The crazy gnarly insane studying routine was back. Up at 6AM, study all day, eat dinner, sleep, repeat. Paul’s energy was tense and I was back to feeling neglected. Paul heavily relied on me during this time to take care of everything. Some days it was fine–I would go to work, make dinner, do my thing. Other days I was fed up, I wanted his undivided attention, needed real conversation, needed someone to be my partner again. We would fight over the dumbest shit like who would walk the dogs. He would overreact like a mother fucker about stuff like that, but I am also a stubborn bitch and didn’t want to do it just to appease him. I can be like that–when someone wants me to do something but they come at me nasty, even if I don’t mind doing it, suddenly I don’t want to do it. While I should have just sucked it up since he was going through one of the worst times, I can be immature like that.

I can’t lie, the BAR was the lowest point in our relationship. We would fight a lot, most of it being super petty stuff, and I was mentally SO over it [law school stuff]. I knew he would pass so I just needed this time to be over so we could get on with our lives. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells during this period and the exam couldn’t come sooner. A few days after Paul took the 3-day test we boarded a plane to the Virgin Island (St. John) to celebrate. It was necessary. The trip was really good for us. We rekindled, talked through some of the shit we went through over the last few months, relaxed, drank a ton, and overall just had a blast. When we returned to LA reality struck when we had to wait months to find out the results of the test.

Luckily, Paul already had a job with a firm (the same firm he is with today) so there was THAT. He started working there before he was even accepted to law school, took the year off during his first year of school, then started working again in his 2nd & 3rd year. The guy is committed! While the anxiety of the unknown sucked, I think everyone knew deep down that Paul passed. The day we got the results will forever be ingrained in my brain even though we were highly intoxicated haha. Halle-fuckin-lujah!

Practicing Attorney

With all of that in past, it was very easy to move right back into normal life. Paul went from neurotic student one day to sophisticated working man the next. I was SO proud of him. There is zero denying that Paul is disciplined (that’s his favorite word btw), he can literally do anything and just kill it! On Instagram people always ask what type of attorney Paul is–he’s an entertainment attorney, specializing in music and digital media. Of course, that comes in very handy for me, as he reviews all of my contracts 🙂 The firm Paul works for is also abnormally fabulous. All of the attorneys value their family life and so while work is a priority, they also know how to go home and spend quality time with their loved ones. We always hear horror stories about other attorneys who have to sleep in their offices and basically have no personal life, so we are very grateful for his working situation.

There are definitely times when I get annoyed that he’s on the laptop the second he walks in the door (from work) or on the weekends when my needy ass needs attention, but I understand. There are also times I wish he didn’t have a traditional “9-5” and could just be home with me since we do work well together, but I realize the guy needs his own career and life outside of my blog. Arguing with Paul can be a real pain in the ass, too. He thinks like a lawyer and often tears apart my argument rather than just focusing on the problem. As I mentioned, I can be real bitchy so when he gets like that I call him out so we don’t get too side-tracked arguing about my “poor arguing skills” [insert 3 million rolling eye emojis]. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree because our brains just work and see things differently. And let me tell you, Paul is “always right,” which isn’t just a lawyer thing, accordingly to his mom he’s always been that way [more rolling eye emojis]. BUT, there is NO GREATER FEELING IN THE WORLD than when I’m right! When I’m right Paul smiles and usually says something like “I’m done arguing about this…” aka “I’ve got nothing.” HA! It’s funny how quickly I can get over an argument when he realizes I’m right.

The moral of the story is this, Paul / Richard can come out and be a real dick sometimes. But overall he always has my best interest at heart. He means well, is extremely responsible and reliable, and is fucking SMART. Law school and the BAR were a real bitch and it really tested our relationship but we made it through. I truly believe a relationship that can handle those two things is a pretty solid one. As a significant other of a law student / attorney you need to be very understanding and patient, but the student / attorney also needs to recognize that in you. It’s only fair. Communication and balance is always key. I hope I answered all of your questions about this topic. If I missed anything feel free to leave feedback in the comments below.

Penny for your thoughts?