Outgoing introvert
I’ve always had an issue typecasting myself as either an extrovert or introvert; I found both to be somewhat of an extreme, whereas I see myself as a pretty neutral type of person. My personality is very specific–I like to have fun in the right environment, I’m talkative with ones I’m most comfortable, if I don’t like something I can shut down, & I’m often in my own head. It’s taken years of getting to know myself to really understand my personality but I finally feel like I can label it as something: an outgoing introvert.

It was brought to my attention recently that I’m terrible at small talk (obviously Paul pointed this out). I never even gave it much thought, but I literally tense up inside when I have to do it–I can’t think of ONE normal question to ask or comment to make–it’s bad. It happens at work events, when I meet people who read my blog or follow me, if I don’t know someone & have to make conversation, I’m just awkward. Occasionally, depending on the circumstances, I can bust out conversation with strangers but it’s pretty rare. I’m going to go ahead and blame this on my personality.

Another example of my personality being super specific, is during my work week. After 2 full days of non-stop fun over the weekend my energy starts to wear and I need to boost myself back into an organized mindset. I work really hard and get into the zone so I don’t want to be bothered. At the end of a long work day I don’t want to chit-chat, I just want my space and time to decompress. Sometimes that means alone, sometimes that means working out, and sometimes that means staring at my phone for 2 hours to give myself some mindless recreation. Other days I like to talk Paul’s ear off with details of my every move. Just depends on how I’m feeling that day!

Don’t even get me started about trying to talk on the phone during business hours. Something many people don’t know about me is a simple text or call unrelated to my work will derail my focus and send me into an hour of procrastination. While I am an avid multi-tasker, talking on the phone handicaps me. So yes, I am ignoring your calls, but chances are if you call me 6:00pm or later (or on the weekends) I will very willingly answer the phone to chat.

As an outgoing introvert I absolutely love getting dinner with friends to catch up. I’m the kind of person you will spend 3 hours at dinner with because we will talk and talk and talk and I’ll make you spill your guts. I’m a “listener” and people tend to pick up on that and turn our dinner into a sort of therapy session…and I love it! BUT, put me in a massive group dinner with a bunch of people I’ve never met, and add to that loud music where we have to shout and I’ll most likely be the most boring person you’ve ever met. Cocktails always help, but I’m definitely not making my best impression under these circumstances. I guess you can say I’m selectively social.

Lastly, since introverts do live inside their own heads a lot, sometimes I will be thinking ‘that girl looks so gorgeous!’ and sort of forget to say it out loud. It’s less an insecurity thing, and more just getting lost in my own thoughts. I also tend to think I’ve told people (sorry Paul) things that I actually only thought in my own head. It can be a serious issue at times, but I’m working on it. Over the last few months I’ve made a conscious effort to vocalize my thoughts rather than suppressing them (the Scorpio in me) and it definitely helps manage my anxiety since I’m not bottling things up. I’m also trying to actually say what I’m thinking out loud rather than just keeping it to myself, which is helping me start more conversations (aka not just mindless small talk that I hate).

Does anyone else relate to these traits and behaviors? I like to think that I’m not alone, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

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  1. Leanna says:

    OMG I feel the exact same way! I can talk and talk for hours with my best friends but when I’m with someone I don’t know that well, my mind goes blank. I’m more comfortable in social settings when I have someone I know really well by my side. I also feel there are certain people who drain my energy and certain people who pump me up. So I always try to surround myself with people who lift my energy up as well, rather than make me hide, if that makes sense haha.

  2. Paulina says:

    Ok, so I basically just read a description of myself! Couldn’t have said it better! Thank you for writing this.

    Sending love from Napa Valley!


  3. Anelle says:

    So me! I’m a Scorpio too and I always feel so awkward with people I’m not comfortable with. I just turned 20 & I thought finally maybe it’s just an awkward teenage phase, but I feel like it’s just a personality issue. I used to want to change this and be super friendly/outgoing with everyone, but I’m slowly accepting who I am. An outgoing introvert is def my label. Thanks Sivan!! Xoxo

  4. Samantha W. says:

    I relate to this so much!!! I am awful at small talk and talking to strangers gives me a lot of anxiety because I’m always so worried about thinking of things to say and talk about but then nothing comes! I’ve always considered myself shy but it’s not that I don’t like socializing, I just take time to warm up and feel comfortable conversing with people. I also can talk for forever to people I’m close with but in large groups I tend to keep to myself more. And I totally agree about chit chatting about the day in the evenings, sometimes I love to talk about it and sometimes I really just don’t want to, and just want people to let me be! Thanks for posting this!

  5. Emily says:

    This perfectly describes my personality as well. I always considered myself an introvert because in big groups I’m not one to be the center of attention. However, in small groups I’m much more social. It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one confused about whether I was introverted or extroverted. You described it perfectly.

  6. Lucine says:

    I completely agree on most of the things you addressed in this blog post! I’m a HUGE extrovert yet dread making the first step in a social interaction unless I feel comfortable or feel like the person wants to talk to me. Being a Communication studies major, I find that the classes I’m taking help me understand why the nervousness is there with strangers, yet completely gone with people I’m close with. ALSO being in the zone and not wanting anyone to bother you is something I get too. It’s either being 100% focused or being distracted and not getting everything on the list done. Either way, being an outgoing introvert is great because it is a solid medium between extroverts and introverts!

    Love this post because it is so important to understand this about ones-self. Cant wait to read more. Xx

  7. Paulina says:

    On point! I’m a Scorpio too. I’ve learned to embrace my personality for years now. It’s what makes everyone unique. I also get “oh you’re kinda bitchy” but if people only really knew that I’m pretty sensitive and just want the best for everyone.

  8. Allison says:

    Totally! This is my personality type as well. I HATE small talk. As I like to say, I like big talk. If I connect with someone, I can get deep, fast (but this isn’t pretty rare). My husband is extroverted and we have had a lot of talks about my need to recharge alone at the end of some days (it’s not personal!). I’m pregnant and wondering how this is going to be as a mom! (Eek!) Being pregnant has also made me realize how much I used wine/cocktails as a crutch in social situations to make myself feel comfortable/more outgoing. I’m developing some new tools now, but that was a big “aha” moment for me. Thanks for your post!

  9. Monica says:

    OH MY GOD….I feel like I’ve just found the missing piece of the puzzle.
    This is me to a tee!!!!
    It’s been quite confusing trying to work out my personality type, but this has just made so much sense.
    Thank you xxxx

  10. Tasha says:

    I can relate!. Have you ever taken the Meyers’s Briggs personality test? It’s super fascinating. My personality type puts me almost at a 50:50 split of intro and extrovert with leaning slightly more introverted. You should check it out to see what you get too.


  11. Marie-lou says:

    I really feel the same way! For a long time, it made me very insecure because I felt like I never fitted in, but as I grew older, I realized that it doesn’t matter as much as I thought. What I mean is, people that know me well, know how outgoing, talkative and fun I can be, and the others will have to try to know me if they want to see the real me. Not sure if it makes sense now haha! But I totally like the title and can totally relate to it “outgoing introvert”! Thanks for sharing :)

  12. Francesca says:

    I’m a Pisces but you just described me to a T!! Love hearing that I’m not alone in this. <3

  13. Megan says:

    No joke, I was just taking to my boyfriend about how much a despise small talk. With all the holiday parties going on, I had to force myself to do it and it just felt so awkward and disingenuous. Luckily, he is a talker so at times I can just piggy back on his conversations. Thanks for sharing this post. I wish you luck on vocalizing your thoughts for Paul’s sake. Lol

  14. Emily says:

    This post speaks to me seriously so much!! I love posts like this (and your post on mood lifting tips is a fave of mine too. Maybe do one on anxiety more specifically?) xo

  15. Lisa says:

    I am rarely one to comment, but I seriously relate to this. I love to hangout around friends and family, but always find myself needing alone time to reach out. Glad to know there’s more of us out there! Thanks for sharing.

  16. Daniela says:

    Hi Sivan!

    I am the EXACT same way! I’m also a Scorpio and I am very outgoing with people I know and like to have fun with them, but in a room full of people, I feel uncomfortable and get in my head a lot. You’re not the only one. I’ve met many people that are this way as well :)

  17. Samantha says:

    haha omg I am stealing the phrase selectively social. This is so me. Also ALWAYS in my own head.

  18. Christina says:

    SAME!!! I can totally relate. I’m just glad I’m not the only one !

  19. Lindsay says:

    um THANK YOU. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever related to a post more than this. I am also a Scorpio and I am still trying to figure out my personality too, like you, I am so awkward when I am around people I don’t know. So many people assume I am a bitch because I am quiet, but give me a glass of wine and a great environment and I feel 10x better. It’s so good to know I am not the only one that feels this way. I am constantly struggling with myself and trying to figure out why I am not good at small talk. I just want to talk about real things! Not the boring shit, lol. Keep up the good work Sivan, I love your blog and your insta stories are amazing and what made me like you so much! I cant wait to see what you do in the future! XOXO

  20. Katie says:

    Sivan, I’ve followed you on Instagram for months now for outfit inspiration and your amazing stories that I look forward to watching everyday. You seem like the coolest down to earth girl ever and I love watching the way you and Paul are together. Anyways, this is the first time I’m actually reading one of your blog posts because I don’t always have time to do so. I just wanted to say thank you for opening up about this because this is something I have been struggling with the past year or so. I have felt “not normal” for many of the things you pointed out in the post, like preferring outings with just a few girls and embracing my alone time. I’ve been getting social anxiety when I’m put into uncomfortable social settings, but it’s definitely something I’m trying to work on this year. Anyways, thank you. I appreciated this. xoxo

  21. I constantly refer to myself as an extroverted introvert. In most areas of my life I appear to be an extrovert but place me in certain settings or scenarios and I’ll go all introvert on you. I can befriend someone and be the life of the party when I’m not pressured, or, I can be the girl that makes awkward small talk – knowing that it’s killing any chance I have at a good first impression. Acknowledging these things though is what matters most. Thanks for sharing this! Happy I can relate with someone lol (now, where is my wine before I head to this party tonight…)

  22. Kristen says:

    “…Put me in a massive group dinner with a bunch of people I’ve never met, and add to that loud music where we have to shout and I’ll most likely be the most boring person you’ve ever met…” I feel this wholeheartedly!!

    I reach a point of over-stimulation that I don’t know where to focus my attention. I begin to zone out, hyper-focusing on my cute but tight outfit is beginning to bother me and I’d much rather be home in pajamas. I think to others it looks like disinterest or rudeness. Most people ask me if I’m tired because I have no poker face — I basically need to escape home. I can socialize really well for 2-3 hours. After a few drinks I start to get drowsy and then I’m really gone, ready to leave the event.

    I hate small talk too, I can watch the news for the weather thanks! I prefer smaller gatherings to get to know new people and have much deeper conversations with. To take off some of the anxiety and pressure to come off super social my fail-proof tactic is to just ask people questions about themselves because people love to talk about themselves. They do all of the talking, you can avoid looking awkward and eventually you’ll find something in common to talk about and it’ll feel more natural.

    Literally obsessed with your content (I hate that saying but its true.) I’ve also turned my sister to the dark-side as well. Keep it coming!!!

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